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The Wizard of Godric's Hollow
By Squeaker

Tom Riddle opened his eyes… and immediately closed them. He did not want to see this. This could not be happening. What could not be happening was a frilly blue dress and a pair of sparkly red shoes. On him. The dress and the shoes were on him, and he was wearing them. What on earth was going on? He sat up, thinking of transfiguring the outfit and then apparating away from…wherever he was. Suddenly, he was licked in the face by a big black dog named Snuffles. “You!” he roared, “You’re supposed to be dead! You fell behind the veil!” The dog just looked at him. Tom started searching for his wand, and while he was distracted, Snuffles peed on his pretty red shoe, and ran off barking at squirrels. “Arrrrg!! Come back here! I don’t need my wand; I’ll kill you with my bare hands!” Tom screamed with rage, running after the mutt.

Tom caught up with the dog a little way down the road, where it had stopped to growl at something in the brush. The thing in the brush growled back, and suddenly attacked. It was a rat. As it flew toward Tom, he grabbed its tail, and threw it into a tree. It hit the tree hard and landed, but by the time it had landed it turned into a small man with watery black eyes. “Wormtail!” Riddle sneered. “What are you doing?” The small man screamed and cried “I’m just so scared!”

Just then, in a puff of smoke, Dumbledore appeared. “What do you want?” sneered Riddle. “Socks,” replied Dumbledore, “I really like those socks you’re wearing, and nobody ever gives me any, so I’m going to take yours.” “Get lost!” screamed Riddle, “I am the great Lord Voldemort! You may not have anything of mine!!” A bubble suddenly appeared. It grew larger, and soon vanished leaving Bellatrix Lestrange in a frilly pink dress in its place. She looked down at the dress, “What is with this get-up? I would kill before I wear pink.” “I think you look lovely in it,” Dumbledore said. Bellatrix didn’t seem to like the compliment. As a matter of fact, it put her in a towering rage. “Shut up! I’ll kill you for that!”

“Ahem!” Voldemort interrupted her, with a nasty look. "What is going on?” “Oh, you have to go see the Wizard of Godric’s hollow,” Bellatrix said dismissively, “I don’t know how I know that, but you just follow this road and it will take you straight there. Oh, and don’t give Dumbledore your socks.” “As if I would,” Voldemort muttered. “Fine!” screamed Dumbledore, “Don’t give them to me. But sooner or later I will get them, and your little…erm…rather large dog, too!” And with a puff of smoke, Dumbledore was gone. Bellatrix huffed and disappeared also.

Without anything else to do, Voldemort started walking down the path again. In a short while he came to a castle. He knocked on the door. “Who’s there, sir?” a high voice timidly asked. “I am lord Voldemort, and I have come to see the wizard of Godric’s Hollow,” Voldemort replied. A small house elf opened the door and backed away. “Master must follow Dobby, sir, Dobby must take you to reception, sir,” the house elf said, and shuffled away.

Before long, Voldemort came to a desk behind which a squat witch who looked rather like a toad was sitting. “Name?” she asked sharply. “The great Lord Voldemort,” Voldemort replied. “Purpose?” “To take over the world and purge it of filthy Muggles and mudbloods.” The squat witch looked up at him sternly, “For the visit.” “Oh,” Voldemort replied, “I’m supposed to see the wizard.” “Nobody gets in to see the wizard without filling out the proper paperwork!” the witch said croakily. She handed Voldemort a stack of paper an inch thick and a pen. Voldemort looked down at the questionnaire. “question one: birth name; question two: residence; question three: list every place you have ever been and at least three people that can vouch that you were there; question four: have you ever been convicted of any illegal spell work, and if so, explain” Voldemort flipped through to the middle of the stack. “Question 57698: are you evil? Question 57699: are you telling the truth? Question 57700: are you absolutely sure?” Voldemort flipped further through the document. “Question 24397564: Do purple dress robes clash with an orange hat? Question 24397565: What’s your favorite pet name? Question 24397566: How much longer do you think filling this out will take? Question 24397567: Are you still here?” Voldemort flipped to the last page. “Question 397292498582476: How many popcorn Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans does it take to feed a Tupperware party? Question 397292498582477: If train A is leaving from point B at 75 mph, and train W is leaving from Hogsmeade at 43 mph, and both are heading west but one charges $2 for an apple, how many clouds are shaped like pigeons?” Voldemort scanned down to the last question: “Are you absolutely positively absotively couldn’t be more sure that you really really want to see the wizard? Cuz I’ve heard there’s ghosts in there!”

“Ghosts?” cried Wormtail, who had been reading over Voldemort’s shoulder. “Ahhhh!! I do believe in ghosts. I do believe in ghosts. I do, I do, I do believe in ghosts!”

Voldemort began walking to the set of doors behind the desk. The squat witch waddled after him and called, “Have you finished the questionnaire? Hey! Come back!” but Voldemort just kept going. He finally got to a room at the end of the hall, with Snuffles bounding after him. He opened the door, and there….
Was Harry Potter smiling at him.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!” Voldemort screamed, as he woke up from the worst, and strangest nightmare of his existence.